Don't Leave Yet By Cortney Donelson

We were created for relationship. 

People are the cure for our aloneness. This is by God’s design. Eve was fashioned from the rib of Adam before the fall, when sin first entered the world. God was solving the problem of Adam’s aloneness even though He walked with him in the garden. In His sovereignty, God knew that we would need people in our lives. He knew that when our relationship with Him would soon be broken through the consumption of the forbidden fruit, we would still have emotional needs that would somehow have to be met. After all, He purposely (and perfectly) created us with souls full of thoughts, feelings, and choices. 

Recently, I have seen and read much about relationships that give us trouble. The world says we should just break these relationships off. Cut them out. Be done with them. I get the intent. I understand the motive of these authors and posters on social media. I know we are all trying to put up our “safe boundaries.” We want to forget the past, while forging onward with new and different people. We want to ditch the ones who caused us grief or pain. I know this is a must-do in some situations; violence, addiction, and abuse run rampant in our world. Again, we live in a fallen one. 

However, I am deeply concerned. My fear is fueled by the thought that we will use these calls to end difficult relationships unwisely. These relationship passes labeled with “protect your happiness” may very well cause us to run from a relationship we are not supposed to end, leaving our lives more empty than filled. 

What if we asked God if and when it was appropriate to end a relationship rather than relying on the feelings we have about the relationship to dictate our actions?

All relationships are difficult. Every. Single. One. There are peaks and valleys. Highs and lows. Points of complete agreement and joy as well as potholes filled with frustration and sorrow. If we ran from every relationship that was messy, we would eventually find ourselves alone. Again. Just like Adam was as He walked in the garden with God. 

A wildly creative God crafted us and filled us with a host of emotions. These feelings were given to us so that we could be relational. They are neither good nor bad. (Although our reactions to them may be right or wrong, good or bad.) Imagine walking around this planet without the feelings of relief, hope, or thanksgiving. Consider what our relationships would look like without regret, anger, or disappointment. Our days would be filled with play-by-play logistics and dull – even robotic – interactions. Our feelings are the color commentators of our lives. 

Rather than allowing our emotions to dictate our decisions to end relationships, there must be another way. Our negative emotions are simply indicators of trouble. They are the red flags waving to get our attention – to notify us that something in the relationship needs work, time, or attention. If God gave us these indicators, perhaps the better way to use them is to go to Him with these feelings. Find out the best plan from the One who planned it all!

What if we made decisions against ourselves – against our ever-changing feelings – and instead asked God for help and direction? 

I know the answer…

What would happen if spouses prayed for God’s will before walking out the door rather than leaning on the feeling of hopelessness that oftentimes enters a marriage relationship? 

I know the answer…

What if God, during that desperate prayer, says, “Don’t leave yet”? And, what if a spouse listens to that advice despite her raging anger and feelings of shock and helplessness?

I know the answer…

What if down the road, that couple was engaged in the best years of their marriage and raising their children as partners rather than paying off divorce attorneys and counselors? 

I know the answer…

This isn’t just about marriage relationships. What if we fought for our relationships with our co-workers? Our bosses? Our neighbors? What if a friend betrayed us, and rather than cutting him off out of frustration, we dig into God’s Word where it offers the best advice about how to repair that friendship? What about when decisions within our church home hurt us? What if rather than running away and seeking out another church, God asked us to enter the messiness of an honest conversation and forgiveness was achieved?

What if we wrestled with God through our emotions and gut-reactions, and came out the other side with a deeper understanding of who we are, rather than what the other person did wrong? 

When we go to Him, God will not tell us to stay in violent relationships. He will not advise us to work through relationships that are going to remain harmful to us. He loves us beyond our scope of understanding. We can trust Him. After all, He is the one who thought relationships into existence with some dust and a rib of bone. Lest we forget … God is always good. 

Perhaps this very moment, you have one foot out the door of a challenging or even bad relationship. God may very well tell you to run for the hills and find some closure. But, what if He doesn’t? What if He is waiting for your prayer – your green light – to start working His miracles? 

The next time you hear or read that it’s okay to end a difficult relationship – that you deserve to be happy – I challenge you to consider the What If you are about to throw away. That relationship has purpose. It has dreams, goals, and desires. Consider the amazing ending God may be planning if you would just wrap up the awful mess in prayer and seek His wise counsel before reacting to the emotions of the situation.

Redemption is worth that prayer. Don’t you think?

Prayer: Father God, thank You for Your solution to aloneness. Thank You for providing us with emotions, relationships, and choices. I ask that in all our messy feelings, we seek You out first and last … and in every space between. We need You. We love You. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. 

Influenced by my prayer life, my book, Clay Jar Cracked, Genesis 2, Intimate Encounters by Dr. Ferguson, If by Mark Batterson, The Basic Idea Ministries (www.thebasicidea.org), my love for people, and my passion to see marriages survive and thrive.

©2012-2016 As a Clay Jar. All rights reserved.

My book, Clay Jar Cracked, is available on Lulu.com, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other retail sites, and including print, e-pub, nook, and kindle versions. To schedule speaking engagements, please email Cortney.