I have come to believe that the institution of marriage is man-made. Now, before you get hot under the collar and accuse me of a myriad of things, let me explain. We humans created the “institution” of marriage. The mountain of legal documents, societal laws (related to economic, health, and tax benefits), and the high-priced ceremony surrounding marriage is all by human design.
If we take a dive into the Book of Genesis, we know God created marriage between man and woman. But, He designed it to be a relationship. It was meant to be a celebration of intimacy and a pairing of souls and flesh, not an outlandish party with paperwork destined to end fifty percent of the time. Here is the difference: The definition of an institution (according to Miriam-Webster) is an organization founded for a religious, educational, social, or similar purpose. Humans establish organizations. God willed marriage into existence in an act of love for His children. God paired Eve with Adam to provide a good and perfect solution to the problem of aloneness. In Scripture, marriage is described as a covenant. The term "covenant" has a Latin origin (con venire) and means a coming together. Some biblical scholars suggest the preferred meaning of the word covenant is bond. God does not create institutions. He builds and operates through relationships that bond people together. Marriage. One flesh. A spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational bond.
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Despite its love-filled and God-ordained beginning, the marriage bond is hard. Really hard. Since the fall in the Garden of Eden, God’s plan for this covenant has been marred with depravity and our own hardened hearts. Relationships are messy. And, not only is the marriage relationship sin-stained, but the Tormentor would love nothing more than to destroy this particular covenant. Why? God created it as a reflection of the perfect relationship between Christ and the Church. So, you better believe the road is going to be rocky. Satan wants to destroy it!
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Thankfully, we have resources to lean on when the path becomes arduous and when our marriage relationships are under attack. We are not left to ourselves – unless of course we choose that independent path. God has prepared a way for us. When the enemy seeks to divide husband and wife, there are many weapons at our disposal.
We have the Word (Truth):
1 Corinthians 13 paints a clear picture of how we can reflect God’s love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
I am not always patient or kind. And, I’m certainly guilty of pride and lashing out in anger when I feel betrayed by my spouse. However, God’s Word is a light for our path. It proclaims healing to the broken-hearted. Even we married ones. Living out the truths found in Scripture (even the hard truths) is our best option for redemption and a joy-filled marriage. So, let’s try patience. Let’s be kind – even when it’s hard. Let’s choose to move forward and not relive the past. After all, we do have choices in this matter.
We have Teachers (Wisdom):
God knows better than anyone that marriage is not easy. He knows how arrogance, past and present hurts, enticements, and self-indulgence can permeate the relationship, causing stumbling blocks. So, He offers others – influenced by the Holy Spirit – to come alongside couples in crisis. He has gifted some believers with the ability to counsel, mentor, encourage, and teach couples who are struggling. Of course, we also have the Ultimate Teacher. Isaiah 30:20 says, “And though the Lord give you (or allows)* the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.” If we focus on Christ and on His teachings and allow others’ wise counsel to penetrate our hearts, we will not fall.
We have the Whisper of the Spirit (Discernment):
Through adversity, corruption, temptation, ignorance … through it all, we are promised a voice, a Guide. “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21) When our marriage relationship is on the brink of termination, and we feel hopeless and helpless, we must pray. The Holy Spirit will be there, navigating our steps. We have to trust His path; it will lead to redemption. Pray for humility, wisdom, and direction. Of course, our ideas of justice and success are usually much different than God’s. The answers we receive may not be what we expect.
The Liar strives to convince us that our spouses are our enemies. He’ll whisper things like:
- You deserve better.
- This is unforgivable.
- There is no hope.
- Don’t you hate it when…
- You can’t do this.
But, if we persevere … if we focus on the Word, our Teacher, and the Whisper of the Spirit, we’ll find that the truth is:
- We don’t deserve anything good. It’s called grace. It was offered to each of us first.
- He forgave us before we even knew Him. Period.
- God redeems. It’s been proven.
- Love is the foundation of the Christian faith. It’s the simple Gospel.
- Everything is possible with God.
We always have choices in our marriages, even when it feels like we don’t. Some circumstances may pit one seemingly bad option against another, but we are never without choices. In our marriage crises, we can choose hostility or seek godly peace. We can choose grace over blame. We can choose to forgive rather than allow bitterness and resentment to stain our relationships. We must desire truth and ignore the lies. We must also hold fast to safety and boundaries that protect us from harm. If we can make these choices – even just some of them as a start – we are strengthening the bond between our Heavenly Father and ourselves. When we do that, I’ve found everything else is a simple choice of living out our love for Him.
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It will say, “This is the way. Walk in it.”
Prayer: Father God, thank You for Your truth, Your wisdom, and Your Spirit. I pray, in the name of Jesus, that those who are stuck on one of the difficult paths on the marriage journey find comfort and peace today. I hope they lay down their struggles at the cross. I pray they persevere through the difficult places. I pray they stop and listen for Your voice, leading them down the path of righteousness and redemption. I pray for obedience to follow that path, even when it doesn’t lead where they may have expected. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
* Author's italics
Influenced by my prayer life, Isaiah 30, Genesis 2, Jeremiah, 6:16, John 10:10, 1 Corinthians 2:9, James 1:19, Merriam-Webster, the simple Gospel, and the struggles within my community.
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