How Not to Love By Cortney Donelson

Source: www.clouds365.com

Luke 12:25-26 (NIV)

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”

“I worry about you because I love you.”

Even if we have never said these words aloud or heard them spoken to us directly, I bet most of us have felt the weight of their meaning. Well-intentioned parents worry about their children. Caring spouses worry about each other. Even adult children worry about their aging parents. Unfortunately, the message is not healthy. It is most certainly not biblical. In fact, recipients of this unhealthy way of thinking become handcuffed to the worrier – rendering them ineffective in living out the life God planned for them. Is that what those who love these recipients intend? Of course not, but I will share a quick story about how I came to wonder about what is going on with all our worry.

As my son climbed into the neighbor’s car, I waved goodbye from the front door. The wind was blowing the treetops, and dark grey clouds raced across the sunless morning sky. Thunderstorms were all around us. There had been tornado warnings the night before, off to the west. The car headed down the street towards his school – one comprised of mobile classrooms and no permanent structures. 

As I climbed the stairs to have a quiet time before my day started, I said a prayer. God, keep him safe. Protect him and his classmates from bad weather. Send your angels to surround his school. I am worried…”

At that moment, halfway up my staircase, God spoke to my heart. Worry does not equal love. I stopped abruptly. God’s message was clear. Love is many things, and worry is nowhere on the list. God continued to drop one-liners into my mind:

Love is trust

There is no fear in love

Worry and anxiety are handcuffs

I went to my bedroom, and thought about that last one. God wasn’t telling me that my worry would handcuff me. He wanted me to know that as a parent, my worry would handcuff my son. That realization hit me hard. I love my children massively. I want what is best for them, and as a believer I know that what is best is what God wants for them. If I worry about what they do, where they go, or what will happen to them … my fear may prevent them from listening to what God is whispering to them. It may limit their God-given gifts. It may halt progress towards their calling. 

If I have learned anything in my faith journey, it is this: God doesn’t call us to safe, easy, or mainstream paths. He calls us through the narrow doors, the ones you need to push through. Fear and worry paralyze us from discovering what lies beyond that narrow door. I certainly don’t want my “love” for my children to cause them to miss out on all the amazing things God has in store for them because they sense (or hear) my concerns.

There is more. Even when life becomes unsafe, difficult, and crazy as we surrender to God’s leadership, we can trust that no matter what happens, His love will endure it all. He is the God of righteousness and justice. If a tornado rips through my child’s school and all of earth’s fury arrives, God will be there. I trust Him. I have to. Otherwise, the awful things of this world will destroy me.

To love someone is not to worry about them. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Worry will not prevent bad things from happening. Fear will not help us or our loved ones move towards God or discern His plans for our lives. Anxiety will not convince others to make different choices or change their behavior. I believe it is just the opposite. Worry will show others how we lack confidence in God. Our fear might cause those we love to live within our misguided expectations rather than choosing obedience to explore God’s will. Our anxiety will reveal our trust issues with God. When others sense our worry, they can become handcuffed to the “safe and wide door” in an effort to stop our fears.

The next time we start to worry about a loved one’s present or future, let’s go back to Luke 12:25-26. Let’s remember that worry will not bring about the circumstances we hope and pray for. In reality, worry might limit them from experiencing what God had planned for them – even the difficult-but-worth-it paths. 

Instead, let’s help them push through that narrow door by trusting God and teaching them to do the same.

Prayer – God, today we choose to trust You and release our worry to You. We want to show our loved ones that You are good, just, and righteous. We pray we don’t limit our loved ones’ spiritual journeys by exposing our own faith gaps. Thank You for Your never-ending love and mercy. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

© 2014 As a Clay Jar. All rights reserved.