I Just Don't Have the Shoes* By Cortney Donelson

Matthew 7:2 (NLT)
“For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.”

Source: Unknown

There is a well-known adage that says, “To understand a man, you must first walk a mile in his shoes.”

This saying has been around for generations. No one quite knows for sure who coined it, although many give credit to the Native Americans. In fact, the original quote uses the term moccasins instead of shoes. 

This popular saying even influenced the author of a famous classic book. "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it," was spoken by Atticus Finch in “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee.

The message is well-intentioned. I grew up learning this very lesson. It does deter some unfair criticism and coaches us to hit the pause button and attempt to appreciate things from a different perspective. Frequently, I have tried to put myself in another person’s “shoes” in order to find understanding for decisions that had been made or actions that had been taken by others. Guess what? It often propelled me into trouble...

The phrase “to walk in another’s shoes” means to step outside your own point of view and see a situation from someone else’s perspective. Unfortunately when we aim to do this, there is the possibility that we will make some dangerous assumptions.

God created us uniquely. We each have our own personalities, experiences, thoughts, biases, opinions, and gifts. We value different things. We have different tastes. We see the world through our own two eyes and no one else’s. And, thank God we do! Our differences help us think creatively, overcome obstacles, avoid boredom, and generate innovative solutions. I usually value our differences. God cherishes them.

From the day we are born, each of us is being shaped by our experiences and environment. Our opinions, tendencies, perspectives, and decisions are steered by our entire life history. When we “walk in another’s shoes,” we are viewing one specific situation or decision that has been made, and we evaluate this decision through our lenses, with our backgrounds, our successes, our hurts, and our failures. We are applying our life story to another’s decision. I believe this leads us down the path of judgment because our assumption is that this individual’s life story should have shaped him the same way we were influenced by our own.

It is precisely because of our diversity that I think the quote below is much more appropriate and can have a greater impact on our lives:

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” - Paulo Coelho

I contend we can never truly climb into someone’s skin, step into their shoes, or know all of who they are or what makes them tick. We live in our own current realities, shaped by years of experiences and our one-of-a-kind DNA. In trying to step into someone else’s reality, we might just be creating more misunderstanding ...  inserting our unconscious biases as we attempt to walk in their shoes.

I hope you hear my heart here. By no means am I saying that trying to understand another’s perspective is wrong. It is good ... extremely good! Where I go wrong is when I add my own judgments to those perspectives without understanding the fact that we cannot fully appreciate another’s reality. Many times, I try to understand someone else’s actions but simply cannot do so. And, when I can’t, I consider their behavior “wrong.”

It is important for me to note here that I only refer to behaviors, actions, choices, and words that God Himself does not categorize as wrong. God’s Word does not prevent us from calling sin what it is – sin. In fact, He wants us to call that out – not in condemnation, but in love. I only refer to matters of opinion and actions not otherwise sinful in nature.  

Therefore, I for one am going to work on withholding judgment and thinking someone is wrong just because I put myself in his shoes and did not see something the way he did. I pray I also remember not to take their actions and words personally. Those things come from their life stories, not mine. For me, this is especially true when I am interacting with other brothers and sisters in Christ. We are all part of one body.

Biblically, we are directed not to judge others ... ever. For, if we do judge, according to Matthew 7:2, God will judge us using the same standard. As I thought about that verse and its relationship to that old Native American adage, I realized that I cannot judge someone’s motives fairly ... and I desperately want God to judge me fairly. So no matter what others say or do, I cannot truly understand their perspective just by “walking a mile in their shoes.” I would have to walk a million miles in their shoes ... over the course of their entire lifetime.

I just don’t have the shoes for that.

Prayer – Father, thank You for the hard but loving truths in your Word. Thank You for our diversity. I pray I refrain from judging someone’s actions or words based on my own unique reality, for I would never want to be judged by that standard myself. Jesus died for us so that the chasm separating us from You could be bridged. And for that, I am forever grateful. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

*Note: This devotion is a newer version of one I wrote over a year ago. I felt led to share it again. As I prayed through and updated it as the Spirit led, I realized it was me who needed to hear it and soak in the message. Of course, I pray it touched you as well. - Cortney

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